Sometimes it seems like I have it all figured out. “The girl that quit her job to follow her dreams”. Sounds perfect… Until its not so rainbows and butterflies. I usually dont open up completely about things in my personal life, but I genuinely feel like maybe this can help someone that might be feeling the same way.
Working for yourself truly has its ups and downs, and ive been blessed enough to feel “ups” since I started. Im grateful and so happy that I started and things went so smoothly for as long as it did. Then it started to slow down. And the self doubt kicked in.
“What did I do?” “What was I thinking quitting my job?!””How could I allow myself to have an unstable income?” “Should I go back to working a 9-5?”
These are the things that have been going through my mind 25/8. Its all that i’ve been thinking about. Its taken over my thoughts. Its had me so discouraged. And I cant let those thoughts win.
I had a full break down last night to Tyler, got so angry and caught up in my thoughts, that I opened my lap top and started job searching. I was scrolling through jobs like a mad woman. It wasn’t until Tyler forced me to talk to him and tell him what was wrong that it hit me.
Ive been on such a high of the life changes I made recently, that the realistic part of it hadn’t set in. It wasn’t going to be all highs and no lows. And although I haven’t hit a “low”, I haven’t been at a high. Business has slowed down compared to the holidays. I expected it, but didn’t think it would hit me as hard as it did.
I was explaining to Tyler that I never had the luxury of not having a 9-5. I never knew how to just relax and let things come. Ive always worked, youtube, blog, hair, make up, and now starting to run a business. Going from juggling so much to being able to slow all the way down has hit me like a bag of bricks. I felt useless. I felt like waking up with no specific thing in mind to do for the day has given me so much anxiety.
I woke up today with a better mind after having such a long talk with Tyler and actually telling him how I felt. I woke up to DMs and emails for appointments, and I realized that the same way I won’t always be at a high, I won’t always be at a low either. Today was a better day. A great day. The anxiety was gone. That feeling in my gut was gone. Then Tyler left to work today and one of the last things he said was “oh, you’re NOT useless”.
So, remember on those rough days that 1. you aren’t alone. and even some of the strongest people feel the way you do. 2. Youre NOT useless.
Top & Bag : Forever21
Pants & Earrings: Zara (one of my amazing followers sent me these earrings, and I LOVE THEM!)
Shoes: Call It Spring